spokenunspoken:

shaky:

I’m stuck between wanting:

1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love

2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet

3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career

It scares me how accurate this is.

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dutchster:
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delgrosso:

“Dammit, I never should have taken this exit off the 405. Now I’m going to be late to improv class.”
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appetites:

o-dawgtheinvincible:

sigmarikz:

certaflyably:

thirstingaintdead:

Top 3 phrases that’ll create sexual tension

  1. "Make me",
  2. "oh really",
  3. "is that so"

"prove it"

"What’s in it for me?"

"The Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history, resulting in the deaths of an estimated 75 to 200 million people and peaking in Europe in the years 1348–50 CE."

Especially the last one damn

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duckktective:

jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy 

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gerardwoah:

'It's all in your head'

yes
which is why it’s called mental illness you incompetent piece of shit

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officialfrenchtoast:

"dinner is ready"

image

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carpathians